


If you like it (then you should have put a ring on it)

by NicePlaceToBe



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Professors, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Infidelity, Married Characters, but Allison thinks there is, just trash really, no one's related, not really - Freeform, or well i think i'm funny, who reads these tags anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:49:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24602650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicePlaceToBe/pseuds/NicePlaceToBe
Summary: Allison is invested in her teacher's relationships and wants to help, but they're both being surprisingly tight-lipped about their significant others.Or:Vanya likes to share in class, Five really doesn't but Allison can tell they both like each other... except they're both already married.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Allison Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 21
Kudos: 505
Collections: The umbrella academy





	If you like it (then you should have put a ring on it)

**Author's Note:**

> Look, this isn't great, I won't lie. But I needed some happy fluff and a world where everything is less sad so... ta-da!
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think, leave kudos if you liked it or a comment even if you didn't- I can guarantee you will make my day if you do so!

Allison has never considered herself to be a particularly well-rounded person- so when she started at university, she had decided this was going to be her chance to take as many classes as she could fit around her getting her degree in Drama.

She had managed to convince both Klaus and Ben to take some of her classes with her, which is how they found themselves way out of their depths in both the Physics class and the Russian literature courses they had picked up.

As opposite as the two courses sounded, however, they seemed to have a lot of cross-over; primarily with the professors teaching the classes.

Professor Five (no one knows if it’s a nickname or his actual surname, but it’s really past the point anyone can ask and he probably wouldn’t answer the question anyway) is far and away the youngest person the Physics staff has on hand- the maths department too, since he seemed to juggle quite the course load- but anyone who has been in a lecture room with him for two minutes can tell he knows his stuff.

As a teacher, he was surprisingly good- sarcastic, savage and entirely too smart for his own good, but he had a way of explaining things and a good hold on the students. He was someone who practically _dared_ you to disrespect him and see what would happen, and all his students liked him all the more for his dark sense of humour and no-nonsense attitude. There was no doubt that whoever passed through his classroom came out knowing a hell of a lot more about Physics than when they had started- or at least how to banter and think before they speak.

Mr Five was vaguely terrifying- sometimes it was difficult to tell when he was joking, and students tended to err on the side of caution when it came to his legendary temper (though some liked to skirt that line and flirt with the uncommonly attractive professor, it was not taken too kindly as he flashed his wedding ring proudly). Nevertheless, there was no argument to be made saying he didn’t have a head for numbers (or an ego to match his intelligence).

In the English department, Ms Hargreeves was lovely.

When students saw her name on their class list, they could breathe easy; Vanya Hargreeves was kind and intelligent, and genuinely wanted to teach to spread her love of literature. She was something of a favourite among the students, not only because was she good at her job and made sure just about everyone passed her course, but because she reached out to students and offered support to make sure they did so. She was interested in every person who came to her classes and made an effort to make everyone comfortable in her classroom.

That wasn’t to say she was a pushover- far from it, as many people hoping for an easy pass would come to realise every year. She was witty and had a quiet intelligence about her- she didn’t need to prove it, because it was obvious in the way she talked, the flow of her ideas.

Ideas which, speaking of, often flowed far and away from what they were meant to be doing in class. Professor Hargreeves had a way of slipping little details about herself and her life into her lessons- it wasn’t in an obnoxious way, it wasn’t even noticeable if you weren’t looking for it- a throwaway comment here, a picture of her holidays on her desktop, a sweet smile when she caught a glance of her wedding band. It all spoke of a life that she cherished, beyond those four walls and books they knew her in.

But there was something mysterious about Ms Hargreeves (and young people always are interested in the lives of those older than them, who seem as if their lives are so wonderful and free from the stresses students suffer), so perhaps it was not so surprising that students were curious about her- about how someone so young had fallen into life so easily, when it feels so hard.

Maybe that was why Allison found herself so intrigued by Professor Hargreeves and Professor Five. They couldn’t have been that much older than her, but they seemed so far away.

Or, maybe it was that she was surprised by how much she saw the two teachers together. Their departments weren’t close- not by a long shot, almost on opposite sides of campus; and yet, without fail, from the first lecture, Allison had noticed that they were _always_ in each other’s general vicinity, and always bantering.

“Still teaching Tolstoy? Don’t you ever get tired of the same old, dead guys?”

“Still haven’t found the rest of the universe? Don’t you ever get tired of the same theories going nowhere?” She parroted back as they turned to walk in the same direction.

“Well, do _you_ know where the rest of the universe is?” He shot back, smirk lighting up his face.

“Not my job,” she shrugged nonchalantly, tossing a casual look at him. “I do the deciphering of the arts in _this_ part of the universe. My job is done, can you say the same?”

He rolled his eyes, grinning all the same.

“If you’re not carefully, I’ll write a really long and boring book that’s literary genius and then you’ll have to analyse for years to come. You’d be _begging_ for Tolstoy by then.”

“Still not hearing the Physics budget is worthwhile,” she sing-songed. “But I suppose I should let you off the hook- we don’t _really_ need another masterpiece of modern literature. _Your_ book might be enough to put me off reading for ever.”

“God forbid, you could never read Tolstoy again! What a tragedy!” He said melodramatically, throwing a hand against his chest.

“Hey, it would be a tragedy!” She poked Mr Five in the side as they walked.

“Well, I guess I’ll lay off on the writing then,” he sighed, shooting a sincere look at Ms Hargreeves. “But _only_ because I know how much you like Tolstoy.”

Her answering laugh rang through the air, though nobody but Allison, Klaus and Ben seemed to be looking.

(Professor Hargreeves and Professor Five flirting? What was so exciting about that? It was a regular occurrence.)

Ms Hargreeves would be getting lunch, or photocopying in the IT department (because they were the only ones who knew how to clear out a paper jam in the whole university) just as they fled from a Physics lecture; Mr Five would conveniently be out on a stroll when they leisurely wandered from the classroom talking about Anna Karenina.

A few times perhaps Allison could have dismissed it, but it was _every_ _time_.

Allison, Klaus and Ben liked to play a game to see who could find the teacher first- though the real trick was just to keep your eyes fixed on the professor’s lecture you were coming from, because they couldn’t seem to keep away from each other.

Five and Hargreeves had some kind of magnetism to each other- they gravitated near one another and then they sparred, grins wide and laughter clear.

The only thing that made Allison a little uneasy about their easy teasing and conveniently lined up schedules? They were both married.

\------------------------------------------

Allison was a sucker for a good romance, which meant that for every sparse detail Ms Hargreeves dropped about her husband, she remembered, trying to piece together how their life worked (what it would look like to be happy and in a relationship).

Admittedly, it wasn’t much- Professor Hargreeves tended to drop clues more subtly than Allison could pick up in veiled references to the books they were reading, but there were a few things she knew.

He loved coffee apparently, as Ms Hargreeves told them when she seemed to be able to distinguish their drinks from just the smell.

They discovered from the time that Ben brought up his disastrous piano playing that Ms Hargreeves played violin and her husband loved listening to classical music while he worked.

From one of her rants about clothing (discussing the meaning of their usage in a particular extract from a text which quickly dissolved into an opportunity to complain about the lack of pockets in girl’s clothing), they found that her husband only wore suits to work.

From her eyerolls at boys trying their luck, they assumed that Professor Hargreeves’s husband was mature and likely just as sarcastic as she was.

It wasn’t a whole lot to go off. It was more than they got from Mr Five though.

He was a brick wall- never revealed anything about his personal life and would rather chew off his own foot than do a ‘Getting to know you’ section in an introductory lecture. Allison had done a little prodding early in the semester when she noticed the flirting the first time- to no avail- and so she had let sleeping dogs lie.

Of course, that was before Ms Hargreeves showed up to class with a hickey.

\------------------------------------------

Allison could hardly believe her eyes on the day when Professor Hargreeves showed up to her lecture and unwound her thick, woollen scarf to reveal a purple blotch on her neck.

Of course, she had known that her professor was married, but it was still a shock to see it. Somehow, she had never considered how the husband came into the equation, since Ms Hargreeves and Mr Five seemed to fit so well together.

Glancing around, Allison was not the first person to have noticed, but no one said anything.

Ms Hargreeves was too meek to not have covered it up, so Allison assumed she must have forgotten- but how exactly do you tell your lecturer that they have a hickey on their neck? What if she did know? Then it would be rude to comment on it. Allison wasn’t quite sure how to handle this.

Fortunately, Klaus didn’t seem to have the same reservations.

“Ooh, Ms Hargreeves! Didn’t know you had it in you!”

Ms Hargreeves brow furrowed, uncomprehending.

“Klaus? Did you have something to say about the material?”

_Don’t do it, Klaus. Please, just have a filter, just this once._

“I didn’t do the readings, but that wasn’t what I was talking about,” Klaus waved away her query. “On your neck, Miss!”

Quietly, Allison contemplated if it was too late to find a new best friend. But, if the eggs are broken…

Ms Hargreeves pulled out her phone and drew in a sharp exhale, flushing as she caught sight of it.

_“Oh, he is going to get it-”_ Ms Hargreeves mumbled under her breath, digging around in her bag.

“Would you like some concealer, Miss?” Allison offered and her professor looked at her gratefully.

Due their different skin tones, the makeup made it look more like a smudge of dirt rather than concealing it completely, but it was definitely better than before. After the whole debacle, Ms Hargreeves straightened and regained the attention of the whole room.

“I am so sorry, I didn’t realise what happened, I was in a bit of a rush this morning. That was unprofessional and won’t be happening again. So, let’s talk about ‘ _The Idiot’_ and Dostoevsky’s influences.”

Unfortunately for Ms Hargreeves, the lesson well and truly had been derailed. Groans rang out from all sides at the refocusing on the course material.

“What? Are you not all here, paying money for this education, so I can lecture you about literature?” Ms Hargreeves asked, sarcasm creeping into her tone.

“Well _yes_ , but-” Ben burst out from beside Klaus.

Allison wondered if she needed to get entirely new friends.

“But?” Ms Hargreeves asked, eyebrow raised. (For a woman they had just seen freak out about a hickey, she held a remarkable amount of poise.)

Though, Allison supposes, she really does like the friends she has now- even if they do have no tact.

“We’re all curious about the mystery guy, Ms Hargreeves!” Allison interjected.

Ms Hargreeves didn’t quite know how to fight off attacks from all directions. She looked at them incredulously.

“It’s my husband. I’ve told you all about him! I’m not exactly secretive! Now, back to the readings which I am going to assume you all did,” she aimed a look at Klaus at that.

He grinned at her guilelessly, propping his head up on his hand as he replied in a conversational tone, “Well, clearly we didn’t know _everything_ about him.”

A light pink stained Ms Hargreeves cheeks.

“You know _more_ than enough and then some,” she admonished and tried to get them back on task. “So, what were Dostoevsky’s motives? What was he trying to portray?”

No one raised their hand.

Ms Hargreeves eyebrow flew up. “You all know that participation is worth 15% of your grade?”

All hands remained down.

“Anyone?”

Still, there was no response.

“I’m not about to negotiate about sharing my personal life with college students to get you to pay attention!” She threw her hands in the air, asking for some degree of sensibility and maturity- curiosity warring with her want to stay on schedule.

No one moved.

“Why are you all so interested, anyway?” Professor Hargreeves asked, knowing she shouldn’t but doing so anyway, curiosity winning out over professionalism.

“It’s just-you’re so young. Only a few years older than us and you’ve got…” Allison gestured at the classroom.

“Besides, with everything else you are an open-book but with your husband you are surprisingly tight-lipped. Could suggest that you have something to hide, professor,” Ben the Psych major piped up, lazily grinning at his professor.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Ms Hargreeves groaned, completely abandoning the pretence of teaching to sit on the desk at the front of the class, hiding her face in her hands. “This feels like bullying. Do you do this to your other teachers?”

She lifted her head out of her hands. Her grin was half mirth and half helpless as she surveyed them.

“’Course not!”

“You’re just so much more approachable than the other teachers.”

“Can you imagine trying that with Professor Five!”

“You seem human, not just a professor!”

Negative affirmations came from all edges of the classroom, Klaus’s loudest of all.

“We only do it because you’re our favourite Miss!”

“I have never been more disappointed to be liked,” she deadpanned. “Honestly, I give you an inch and you go for a mile. I’ve lost all authority in this classroom now.”

She mock-sighed, leaning back slightly as the class grinned at her.

Much as Vanya hated to admit it, she loved kids like these- growing up, she had never really been popular, or liked. She tended to fade into the background and be forgotten; not always in a malicious way, just in the way that if she wasn’t there, people would forget to invite her, that when she left a conversation no one noticed, just in the way that she always felt ordinary. Sometimes it felt so much easier to just disappear than sit and feel out of place and unwanted- that’s where she had learnt to lose herself in books. She could be a thousand different places, anywhere but there- be anyone but herself.

Her favourite part had always been in the aftermath though, discussing and sharing and hearing what everyone else thought- unfortunately, not many people read the books she did. Not many people wanted to talk in depth about the books like she did. So much as it was an escape, reading was another point of difference.

And then she grew up and she came to college.

And all of a sudden, all the reading she had done meant she understood, finally. She finally found her place. She discussed books for a living- Vanya helped other people understand why literature was awesome, _for money._ And as fulfilling as that was, she still sometimes felt the absence of friends during her adolescence.

But when she got classes like this, Vanya didn’t feel so alone. So forgive her for indulging in the unruliness, in sharing the parts of herself that she could, in loving being wanted and liked.

Were they pushing it a little this time? Sure. But then again, it was their education. If they decided they wanted to talk about her marriage in class time, they could always catch up the work over the week, if they were willing.

Vanya wasn’t someone to loathe anyone the chance to live- because sometimes, we forget there is more than just work, routines and schedules. Sometimes, it was nice to get away from everything, because we won’t always remember those long hours in a classroom- but we remember the times when someone else showed their humanity, we remember the times when we forget that there are ever imposing deadlines and just enjoy the moments we have with the people around us.

So maybe it was a bad idea for Vanya to say, “If we don’t do ‘ _The Idiot’_ this week, you guys do know you’re going to have to catch up the work later?”

But when those kids grinned at her and she sat forward, grinning back, Vanya couldn’t find it in her to care.

(Because as much as we like to remember the stories of the past, how often do we hear stories of the present- our present?)

\------------------------------------------

As they left the classroom, something seemed to strike Klaus. He grabbed Allison’s sleeve in his right hand, Ben’s in his left and tugged. Turning, Allison was about to ask what was wrong when she saw exactly what Klaus had- Professor Five, coming this way.

Professor Five seemed to catch sight of the hickey and Allison held her breath. How would he react to the obvious reference to another man in her life? Did he not know? Was that why he flirted with Ms Hargreeves? Would he be shocked to discover it? 

Allison braced herself for the fallout of their flirtation, certain there would be yelling. But she couldn’t have been more wrong.

He shot a wink at her!

“Nice bruise there Miss. How’d you get that?” Professor Five called jovially and Ms Hargreeves flushed.

Though, rather than the blush of being shocked or humiliated (as Allison had half-expected since her professor could be easily embarrassed), she went the red of anger and her eyes seemed to shoot daggers at her co-worker.

‘I’ll kill you,’ she mouthed.

Five was unbothered by her antics, blowing a kiss to Hargreeves as he passed her in the hall- and while she rolled her eyes, Ms Hargreeves couldn’t quite hide her grin at their sparring.

“What a lucky man your husband is!”

( _Was that a hint of jealousy Allison caught in his tone?)_

A determination seemed to enter Ms Hargreeves eyes as she turned on her heel, making an impolite gesture to an unrepentant Mr Five, before she blew down the hall.

(At his next lecture, Mr Five would have a smear of lipstick on his shirt, bright red against the crisp lines of his white shirt and black tie. He would see it and laugh slightly- but rather than hiding it, he would keep teaching, displaying the stain proudly.

Professor Hargreeves would be outside wearing crimson lipstick when she breezed past the classroom to get a stapler from the Biology department.

Five would call, “Bit possessive, don’t you think?” as he gestured to the make-up on his clothes and Vanya would grin a slightly ferocious smile, winking as she disappeared around the corner, and he would watch her go, looking slightly love-struck all over again.)

Allison couldn’t help but feel as if she had missed something. 

\-------------------------------------------

That week, Allison replayed their conversation with Professor Hargreeves over a thousand times.

_“So, what’s your husband like?”_

_“He’s… he’s unbelievably smart- knows it too, God does he have an ego! He’s ridiculously stubborn and bull-headed, would rather chew off his own foot than ask for help. He needs caffeine like he needs air and he’s a complete insomniac, and he loves his work.”_

Allison can remember the fond little smile she gave then, twisting the band on her finger.

_“But he’s sweet, even if he doesn’t seem it. He’s so sarcastic and he can match me in a conversation. He read every book on the syllabus when we were dating so he could understand why I loved them so much- he’s still reading ‘_ War and Peace’ _because he gets fed-up and calls it ‘overrated’ every few months, but this has been going on for years so he’d about three-quarters through by now. He loves his family more than anything, even though I’ve met some of them and they’re kind of dicks sometimes._

_“We waited to travel until our honey-moon, and we went everywhere- I’m not sure if he loved all of it as much as I did but he went with me everywhere and carried me up the steps when I complained. He understands me more than anyone else I’ve ever met, and he makes everything seem like it’s better just because he’s there.”_

Allison wondered what it would be like to have a love like that. And somewhere, in the pit of her stomach, she started to feel sick.

They had partners. They were _married_. Mr Five and Ms Hargreeves were having an affair- at the very least an emotional one, but Allison can sense some sexual tension between them as well.

Somehow, the point had driven home this week- before, she had been fine to brush it off, but no longer.

Something had to be done.

\------------------------------------------

Five was completely bewildered when one of his students put up their hands in the last five minutes of his lecture.

No one put up their hands in the last quarter of an hour- not if they wanted to get out on time.

One never knew whether the answer would be straight-forward or an extravaganza of unnecessary information, so it was determined that in the last fifteen minutes of his class, Five could ramble on about whatever he wanted, uninterrupted.

But Allison had her hand up.

“Is this a question about the-”

“What’s your wife like?” She interrupted him before he could finish.

Five blinked.

“Pardon?”

“Your wife? Mrs Five? What’s she like?”

His eyes narrowed slightly.

“I don’t discuss my personal life at work,” he replied in a blunt tone.

The boy next to her- Ben, he thought- spoke up.

“Sorry, it’s just this assignment we have for Psych 101, we’re looking at the development of relationships,” he said with a toothy grin.

That was bullshit.

Five knew it, the kid knew it, he was willing to wager most of the class knew it was bullshit too.

On the other hand, it was ballsy. Five knew he wasn’t approachable- he had worked hard not to be. Outright lying to a professor and disrupting a class with a fake assignment, especially with Five as the teacher? That took guts- or, at least, a huge amount of unearned confidence.

Five respected that.

And sue him, but it was a Friday and he was looking forward to just going home. So, just this once, Five decided not to be a complete hard ass.

“My wife is the smartest and most capable person I have ever met. She knows how to make me laugh and calls me out on all my shit,” he laughed slightly, a soft grin on his face as he unconsciously fiddling with the ring on his finger, obviously a thousand miles away.

“She’s the most incredible musician and she sees the world in the most wonderful way- makes me feel like it could all be better than I think it is. And it’s not that she’s boring- not anywhere near it, with that temper she’s got- but I feel safe with her. It always feels like I’m home, like I can just relax.”

There was a beat of silence, before the lecture ended. Allison felt sick to the stomach.

Because while Professor Five might have been concise, that wistful smile and nostalgic lilt to his words told her everything she needed to know about his mysterious wife that he never talked about. Just like how Ms Hargreeves response had let her know that she was truly in love with her husband.

Allison couldn’t watch two of her favourite teachers hurt their loved ones for some brief fling. She couldn’t not interfere as they made a huge mistake.

\------------------------------------------

Klaus would like to say that this plan was not his idea. He would also like to say he was not a willing participant, but Allison was _very_ persuasive. And so, somehow, he and Ben found themselves going to confront Mr Five while Allison tackled Ms Hargreeves.

(They agreed that Ben would need the extra back up with Five, and Allison could handle Hargreeves on her own.)

Office hours seemed to be the best time to do it, since they coincidentally lined up. Allison managed to get in to see Ms Hargreeves first, so flashing a thumbs up to the boys, she stepped into her office.

The first thing she noticed about Professor Hargreeves office was that books lined the walls. Not just classics either- dictionaries and historical analysis and music and science books were sharing shelves. Allison’s attention was quickly seized by the woman sitting behind her desk though.

“Sorry about the mess! I’ve been doing some reading, I didn’t expect anyone today,” Ms Hargreeves moved to shuffle the books around and Allison found herself inspecting the titles.

Catching the direction of her gaze, her professor grinned. “It’s my husband’s book. He loves maths and I’ve been doing some research into it so we can talk about what he’s doing at work. Anyway, come, sit down! How can I help? You’ve been doing well in my course so far Allison.”

Allison felt even worse now, sitting in her office and with Ms Hargreeves looking at her so earnestly. Maybe it was all a mistake- and if it wasn’t, who was she to interfere? She should just go. Really, her teacher didn’t need any help with her life, even if it looked like she was about to wreck her marriage.

“Allison?”

Vanya looked at the student sitting before her, shifting nervously in her seat and looking vaguely nauseous. She wondered if there was anything she could do to make her feel more comfortable. Perhaps it was the referencing of the recent assignment? Or maybe she just needed some time. Vanya shuffled some of the papers on her desk, if only to fill the silence.

“I-”

Allison was about to get up and leave, saying something about a sick dog or a sore tooth when she caught sight of a photo sitting on the desk. She changed tack.

“Is that taken in Greece?” She asked, pointing to the frame.

Vanya smiled.

“My husband took that- it’s one of my favourite photos. He’s very analytical, so he’s good at seeing how to compose the different elements together. We were taking a rare early walk- neither of us are really morning people- and we managed to catch the sunrise,” she recalled fondly.

Allison felt her resolve strengthen again. Whoever her husband was, he deserved to know the truth.

“Ms Hargreeves, does your husband know about you and Mr Five?”

Her professor blinked.

“What?”

That was all Allison needed to set her off.

“I mean that you and Professor Five are like always flirting and hang around each other’s lecture rooms to catch them after class, and your husband might not be comfortable with that. You know, 40% of adults who have cheated on their spouses are separated or divorced and infidelity is one of the leading causes for divorce. I really like you Professor and I like Mr Five too and I can tell you both love your partners and it would be a real shame if your affair ruined your marriages, if you’re honest about it then there’s a higher chance of it working out in the long run!”

She said all of this very fast and Vanya blinked rapidly, trying to process the influx of information.

“Allison, I appreciate that you care and I’m glad you came to me with this first,” Ms Hargreeves said carefully. “Am I correct in assuming that you think I am having an affair with Professor Five from the Physics department?”

Allison was about to interrupt and dispute that, but her professor stopped her cold with her next words.

“Because it would be rather hard to cheat on my husband with my husband.”

It was now Allison’s turn to blink.

“Pardon?”

Vanya laughed, marvelling at the absurdity of the situation.

“Five and I are married. That’s why he goes by his first name, so people don’t automatically make the connection.”

“But-”

Allison’s mind raced, trying to piece together all this new information. All of a sudden, everyone’s lack of interest, the lipstick, the coincidences all added up.

“So you’re Professor Five’s wife, who’s smart and a musician and doesn’t take shit,” Allison clarified.

At Ms (Five) Hargreeves bemused look, she continued, “And your insomniac, smart-ass and caffeine addicted husband is Five?”

At her nod, Allison slumped back in her chair.

“Huh.”

All things considered, in retrospect, Allison doesn’t know how she missed it.

Suddenly though, another thought occurred to her.

Ben and Klaus were going into Professor Five’s office to tell him not to cheat on his wife Vanya, _with_ his wife Vanya who he loved very dearly.

“What’s wrong?” Ms Hargreeves asked at Allison’s panicked expression.

“Five, don’t kill them! They’re working under the wrong information!”


End file.
